She looked down at the ocean below. The way it was streaming behind her at great speed and left a wide streak of bubbly foam in its wake, like a cold blaze through true blue. She did not feel a thing. Some people did not go till the edge because it scared them, but it did not intimidate her at all. In fact when it was really hot, as it often was, she felt like taking a plunge in the ice cold water. Oh, what heaven it would feel like, she thought, but obviously could not indulge herself so. Man overboard !! The shouts would go out and the mighty ship would come to a heaving stand still. It would look really foolish when hauled back up she would be questioned about her asinine behaviour . “Oh! I felt hot and the water looked so tempting”, would make a very convincing reply. It would definitely convince them of her insanity.
Well, insane she was not, a bit crazy, yes, but that much crazy was the zeitgeist for then. It was allowed for her age. She should have given it a lot of thought before she signed up for this. But instead of a lot, she had only given it very little, the bare minimum and hopped on board. Impulse.
There was not much to do on the ship and she was regretting her hasty decision. But she was not the kind to brood over spilt milk, she would scoop it up and leave it for the cat to lap up. Now that she was here, she meant to make the most of it. The new session of the literature course was due to begin in two months, so she might as well get started on her reading. She liked the novels much more than the poetry, and some of them, especially the popular ones were so tough to understand. Chaucer and Shakespeare, she called out and vowed to get her head around them some day.
Maggie, she thought she heard her father’s voice and rushed into the navigation room. She always felt so proud to look at her father in his pristine uniform sitting in the Captain’s chair and looking out to the ocean. It was almost like he could understand the language of the splashing waves. He always looked so intent, as if listening to the sounds of the ocean and the secrets it could divulge. Only to him, she imagined, would the ocean reveal its mystery. The relative scale awed her . That a powerful vessel could be commanded by a man, the smallest fraction of her size and angry tempests could be braved by that vessel, the size of a drop of the ocean.
Her father must have left the room, so she decided to write a poem as an ode to the amazement of being on ship. That would definitely make her friends jealous, who, she painfully thought, would be hanging out at some coffee shop or the other, making the most of the holidays, talking about shopping and boys.
She made her way to her room but could not get inside. She must have forgotten the key again. Her father, though amiable, did not like being disturbed during work hours so she decided to go and wait it out in the smoke room where she found a random book, thankful for having something to pass time with. She could not remember when she dozed off but it was almost dusk, when her eyes finally opened. Lazy git, she thought to herself and hurried back to the bridge but she could not find her father. There was somebody else in the captain’s chair now and he did not even give her a passing look. Perhaps he did not like adolescents.
She went to the dining room where everyone was eating. Dinner was served sharp at six. She did not like to eat without her father so she went looking for him on the deck, but not a sight of him. She wandered about the ship. She could ask someone but everyone seemed to be bustling about, and she did not want to interrupt anybody. She went back to the open area on the bridge and looked at the ocean, having nothing better to do. Her father would look for her eventually and this would be the most convenient place for him to find her. It was almost close to midnight now and all she wanted was her pyjamas and the warm bed. Her hunger had died long ago. She just wanted to rest.
Five years ago, she remembered, she had company. There was another boy, though much younger. But at least there was someone to play with. She would make up the most awful stories and try to scare him but he would bravely defy getting scared by any of them. Her own brother was too small to bring on board. She couldn’t wait for him to be big enough as that meant her mommy could come too. She had hated being without her. But she was twelve then, things had changed a lot since then and to say they had grown distant would be an understatement.
She could feel her eyes closing again, and thinking that it would be a good idea to move away from the edge. The sky and the sea both seemed angry. Just as the admonishment from her brain reached her limbs, she felt a jolt. She quickly straightened herself as to her surprise she was almost asleep on the ledge conveniently using her crossed over elbows as a pillow. She turned to go when another gust turned her about making her face the sea again. She felt the pressure propelling her, and the ledge was to slippery to hold on to and try as she might, the wind was too strong for her. There was a relief for a second as the sudden storm relaxed its clutching hold on her. But before she could do anything, a powerful burst pummelled her overboard and there was nothing she could do.
There was not even a splash. She frantically looked about for something to hold onto. But you can’t drown in salt water, she remembered, its the panic. She tried not to gulp the salty water. Keep your lungs intact, her brain told her. But she just seemed to be sinking faster and deeper into the watery abyss. Her father would definitely come looking for her. She held her belief and tried not to struggle against the overwhelming water. She continued to drown, she fraught to keep her eyes though the water stung bitterly.
But that’s when it caught her eye, the lace, the dress, the dull pink, her favourite one long time ago. She could not believe it and tried to swim towards it. She was not sure how long she would last. It must be shallow where she fell, if her breath had lasted so long. She hurried to the dress, and once near enough she found it was wrapped around a body. Her father would look for her, she gasped, not letting hope leave her yet as she dove deeper to reach it and see if she could save that little girl too. When she turned over the body, her mouth fell open and her body gave away. She sagged down to where the body lay. The water did not bother her as she knew she would not last long now. The little girl was beyond saving. Maybe nobody came to look for her.
She realized then that she was not holding onto her breath, but a long and deeply painful wail, which finally escaped her as she stared down at her own face. Her face of five years ago, disfigured, but not so much. The sea had been gentle to her. She caressed it and laughed.
Nobody would shout anything if she fell overboard. No mighty ship will come to a halt. Nobody could feel her wandering through the corridors. Oh, the lost soul that
she was, nobody cared to ask her what was it that she was looking for. Nobody could see her.
Nobody had seen her, ever since the arrival of her baby brother. The shifting affections left a deep impact on her. Mommy did not see her, daddy did not pet her. Grandpa had eyes only for the little boy. She loved him too but it did not consume her as it did them. Their world seemed to begin and end with him. Hers did not.
They had left her alone one day to take her brother to the doctor for his vaccinations. Grandpa, too left declaring that she was a big girl now and could take care of herself, left her for his evening walk. She turned on the TV. And what she saw there made her freeze on the spot. ‘The Abominable Girl Child’, the documentary started, and when it ended, Maggie’s whole world had changed.
Her daddy came and announced that he was required to set sail in two days. He asked her mom to pack for her as well. It would take one of the brats off her hands, and her mom smiled at him. Then she turned to Maggie and vaguely patted her on the head. The abominable girl child, that is what she had become and it was with a heavy heart that she boarded the ship. And it was this heavy heart which sunk her within a week of setting sail. The gust of wind or a pair of strong hands. Only she knew the truth, the familiar feel of those hands. Even the oceans raged against such a terrible fate.
She would have been seventeen today,. She looked down at her twelve year old body and wept over it again.
Well, insane she was not, a bit crazy, yes, but that much crazy was the zeitgeist for then. It was allowed for her age. She should have given it a lot of thought before she signed up for this. But instead of a lot, she had only given it very little, the bare minimum and hopped on board. Impulse.
There was not much to do on the ship and she was regretting her hasty decision. But she was not the kind to brood over spilt milk, she would scoop it up and leave it for the cat to lap up. Now that she was here, she meant to make the most of it. The new session of the literature course was due to begin in two months, so she might as well get started on her reading. She liked the novels much more than the poetry, and some of them, especially the popular ones were so tough to understand. Chaucer and Shakespeare, she called out and vowed to get her head around them some day.
Maggie, she thought she heard her father’s voice and rushed into the navigation room. She always felt so proud to look at her father in his pristine uniform sitting in the Captain’s chair and looking out to the ocean. It was almost like he could understand the language of the splashing waves. He always looked so intent, as if listening to the sounds of the ocean and the secrets it could divulge. Only to him, she imagined, would the ocean reveal its mystery. The relative scale awed her . That a powerful vessel could be commanded by a man, the smallest fraction of her size and angry tempests could be braved by that vessel, the size of a drop of the ocean.
Her father must have left the room, so she decided to write a poem as an ode to the amazement of being on ship. That would definitely make her friends jealous, who, she painfully thought, would be hanging out at some coffee shop or the other, making the most of the holidays, talking about shopping and boys.
She made her way to her room but could not get inside. She must have forgotten the key again. Her father, though amiable, did not like being disturbed during work hours so she decided to go and wait it out in the smoke room where she found a random book, thankful for having something to pass time with. She could not remember when she dozed off but it was almost dusk, when her eyes finally opened. Lazy git, she thought to herself and hurried back to the bridge but she could not find her father. There was somebody else in the captain’s chair now and he did not even give her a passing look. Perhaps he did not like adolescents.
She went to the dining room where everyone was eating. Dinner was served sharp at six. She did not like to eat without her father so she went looking for him on the deck, but not a sight of him. She wandered about the ship. She could ask someone but everyone seemed to be bustling about, and she did not want to interrupt anybody. She went back to the open area on the bridge and looked at the ocean, having nothing better to do. Her father would look for her eventually and this would be the most convenient place for him to find her. It was almost close to midnight now and all she wanted was her pyjamas and the warm bed. Her hunger had died long ago. She just wanted to rest.
Five years ago, she remembered, she had company. There was another boy, though much younger. But at least there was someone to play with. She would make up the most awful stories and try to scare him but he would bravely defy getting scared by any of them. Her own brother was too small to bring on board. She couldn’t wait for him to be big enough as that meant her mommy could come too. She had hated being without her. But she was twelve then, things had changed a lot since then and to say they had grown distant would be an understatement.
She could feel her eyes closing again, and thinking that it would be a good idea to move away from the edge. The sky and the sea both seemed angry. Just as the admonishment from her brain reached her limbs, she felt a jolt. She quickly straightened herself as to her surprise she was almost asleep on the ledge conveniently using her crossed over elbows as a pillow. She turned to go when another gust turned her about making her face the sea again. She felt the pressure propelling her, and the ledge was to slippery to hold on to and try as she might, the wind was too strong for her. There was a relief for a second as the sudden storm relaxed its clutching hold on her. But before she could do anything, a powerful burst pummelled her overboard and there was nothing she could do.
There was not even a splash. She frantically looked about for something to hold onto. But you can’t drown in salt water, she remembered, its the panic. She tried not to gulp the salty water. Keep your lungs intact, her brain told her. But she just seemed to be sinking faster and deeper into the watery abyss. Her father would definitely come looking for her. She held her belief and tried not to struggle against the overwhelming water. She continued to drown, she fraught to keep her eyes though the water stung bitterly.
But that’s when it caught her eye, the lace, the dress, the dull pink, her favourite one long time ago. She could not believe it and tried to swim towards it. She was not sure how long she would last. It must be shallow where she fell, if her breath had lasted so long. She hurried to the dress, and once near enough she found it was wrapped around a body. Her father would look for her, she gasped, not letting hope leave her yet as she dove deeper to reach it and see if she could save that little girl too. When she turned over the body, her mouth fell open and her body gave away. She sagged down to where the body lay. The water did not bother her as she knew she would not last long now. The little girl was beyond saving. Maybe nobody came to look for her.
She realized then that she was not holding onto her breath, but a long and deeply painful wail, which finally escaped her as she stared down at her own face. Her face of five years ago, disfigured, but not so much. The sea had been gentle to her. She caressed it and laughed.
Nobody would shout anything if she fell overboard. No mighty ship will come to a halt. Nobody could feel her wandering through the corridors. Oh, the lost soul that
she was, nobody cared to ask her what was it that she was looking for. Nobody could see her.
Nobody had seen her, ever since the arrival of her baby brother. The shifting affections left a deep impact on her. Mommy did not see her, daddy did not pet her. Grandpa had eyes only for the little boy. She loved him too but it did not consume her as it did them. Their world seemed to begin and end with him. Hers did not.
They had left her alone one day to take her brother to the doctor for his vaccinations. Grandpa, too left declaring that she was a big girl now and could take care of herself, left her for his evening walk. She turned on the TV. And what she saw there made her freeze on the spot. ‘The Abominable Girl Child’, the documentary started, and when it ended, Maggie’s whole world had changed.
Her daddy came and announced that he was required to set sail in two days. He asked her mom to pack for her as well. It would take one of the brats off her hands, and her mom smiled at him. Then she turned to Maggie and vaguely patted her on the head. The abominable girl child, that is what she had become and it was with a heavy heart that she boarded the ship. And it was this heavy heart which sunk her within a week of setting sail. The gust of wind or a pair of strong hands. Only she knew the truth, the familiar feel of those hands. Even the oceans raged against such a terrible fate.
She would have been seventeen today,. She looked down at her twelve year old body and wept over it again.
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